Pick Your Poison License, Version 1.0

Definitions

Name, Initials, etc. refers to the one people actually refer to you as, I don't care about legal names. If you're a company, it's the name you're registered as. If you're a group of people, it's the name you're known as. If you don't like having a last name, you can just use your first name twice for initials.

"The Release Date" shall be defined as the 12th September 2023, 12:00 UTC.

Required Conditions

You're required to fulfill ALL of the following conditions to be able to use this software as described in section "Usage":

You must not use this software in applications that advertise themselves as "Web3", "NFT", or "DeFi".
You must not be NVIDIA, or any of its subsidiaries or business partners. Business partners in this context means companies that have a beneficial business relationship with NVIDIA. Fuck NVIDIA.
You, whoever is the one introducing the software into your company's or personal software stack, must not be exactly 6 foot tall. Exactly shall be defined as within 1mm of tolerance.
While implementing the software, you may not drink caffeinated beverages that taste bitter.
The 24 hours before implementing this software, you must not have eaten
- Dark chocolate, unless your first name is Emily
- Hashbrowns
- Raw tomatos
You must not be part of a religious cult.

Additional Conditions

In addition to the conditions listed in "Required Conditions", you're required to fulfill ANY of the following conditions to be able to use this software as described in section "Usage":

You're required to release a video on a publicly (and freely, as in royalty-free) accessible video streaming site where your CEO, or otherwise primary executive director, gently and affectionately pokes a Dinosaur plushie on the nose, while saying "Boop!". You must notify me of this video, and I must be able to watch it without having to pay for it, or sign up for anything.
You are living as a transgender person. You already have it hard enough, you don't need to deal with this bullshit.
Your initials are "JW", but you're not a Jehovah's Witness.
You have a bachelors degree in computer science AND owned a pair of striped thigh-high socks that contain the color pink before The Release Date.
You run an ASN that includes the number 1337. Hi, we should peer.
You owned at least 10 dinosaur plushies before The Release Date.
You've finished the video game "Celeste". If you haven't, you should. It's a great game. Finished means you've completed all C-Sides, B-Sides, and A-Sides, and have collected all strawberries, hearts, and crystal hearts, and have completed Farewell.
You were a (kickstarter/slacker backer) backer of the video games "Friday Night Funkin'" and "UNBEATABLE" before The Release Date. You have good taste in games.
You're older than 18 years, and have, before The Release Date, consumed more milk than you have consumed water.
You have, prior to The Release Date, owned more than 5 different breeds of cats.

Usage

You're allowed to use this software if you fulfill ALL conditions listed in "Required Conditions", and AT LEAST ONE of the "Additional Conditions". If you don't fulfill the conditions, you're not allowed to use this software.

Usage refers to the act of using the software in any way, shape, or form. This includes, but is not limited to, compiling, running, modifying, distributing, or selling the software. If you're not sure if something is considered usage, it's considered usage. If you're not sure if something is considered selling, it's considered selling.

If you do sell the software, you're required to donate 100% of the proceeds to a charity that works to further transgender rights in your area. If you don't, you're not allowed to use this software.

Liability

I'm not liable for anything you do with this software. If you use this software, you're responsible for your own actions. There is no warranty, express or implied, for this software. Basically, you're on your own, buddy.

This License

This license is licensed under itself.

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